You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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