You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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