And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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