her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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