somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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