Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
