I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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