Ketchup is God's man juice
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
