to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
