I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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