apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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