the day after is always just damage control
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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