that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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