honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
