I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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