Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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