i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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