dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
