Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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