Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
