Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
