So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
