She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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