I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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