i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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