Jerry, you need to find god
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
