I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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