I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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