Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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