I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Sponge bath it is.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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