One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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