Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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