3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize