is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Come share oat with me in your robe
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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