I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
