So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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