Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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