walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
