What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
