Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
