Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
