smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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