Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
