I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
our cab driver is having phone sex.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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