You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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