Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
