i permit you to call me
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
