I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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