Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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