So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
even my farts smell like vagina
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
