I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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