Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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