so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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