i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
