I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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