we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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