When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
