I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
