The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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