he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
