This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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