i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even my farts smell like vagina
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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