Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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