My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
