Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
