I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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