my room smells like sperm. sweet.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
