Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
